don't mind the overly self conscious intellect

Once again I'm stuck with that over load of self consciousness, that seems to be endured by the eyes of teenage girls and the approval of "men." I look in the mirror and I'm never impressed as soon a i look below my face. I seem to be obsessed over the perfect teenage body that i seem to lack. I have been blaming my luck with guys at this high school because of it. "they would like me more if i was... this or that" but it seems to have a recurring topic of my body shape. I mean my body is the only thing I can control. My skin color is unchangeable. So i think if i set goals for my self then he will like me more or she will be my friend. But iv begun to realize also is that who the fuck cares. I'm told I'm pretty , gorgeous , hot etc. quite often but the fact that i don't get the approval on the guys at my school it seems like those other people don't even matter. There like inferior to the people at my school. Which isn't true. In a way i feel like if i can get there approval then i can be considered pretty to all. blahblahblah I really don't mean to sound cocky or come off needy or odd. But its the way I'm feeling. Don't get me started about the guy i like who plays the " i don't really like you game " but insist on texting me but responding with short word answer's. fuck you. Stop playing mind games and tell me you wantt mee soo badd. Why can't guys just be like girls. Or maybe hes just not that into me. goddamn. Please wake me when my sexy hot Spanish king knocks on my door. Because as for right now i will stay dormant until he finds/text/calls or even speaks to MEEE!!