when does the corruption start?

Today I was at the gym. I'm in the family locker room (pretending to seem busy while my father once again takes FOREVER to come in get me) when I over hear this conversation between this young girl...around 7 and her mother. The young girl begins to ask her mom a questions then hesitates. "hey mom, am i... am i fat?" HOLY SHIT?! the mom of course answers no but that's not that point. She is seven and shes already begging to obsess over the perfect body factor. It's ironic because I just had a conversation with my father (sitting in BK Ha) about the American obsession over being skinny. What age does self conscious start? When a young girl opens of a teenage magazine and flips threw the pages of the articles with the inside scoop on being liked by guys, and the right things to say. When she flips threw the pages and starts the downward slope of comparing. This i believe is when the mind transfers. And as time goes by it becomes more and more of a serious case on weather or not there good enough, or pretty enough... or skinny enough... Threw the regular day you are slammed with perfect opportunities to compare your self with other people. you wake up, turn on the radio were all the songs talk about the perfect girl with certain body types, you go to high school, which is a dead zone for uniqueness and a playground of compares. you go on face book or myspace. and BAMM you compare! you search threw peoples photos and videos and want to act the way they act or look the way they do. ha don't dare to think about the unhappiness that comes with the perfect body or a model. Most models ARE NOT HAPPY.. I'm saying a good 95%. They are a object and a product, they don't have freedom, they don't have a say. but yet everyone wants to be just like her, or that girl in the magazines. Don't try and be your self, Try and look like others and fuck uniqueness. stop me if I'm wrong. but does any one else see the corruption that the media is doing to teenage mind?

don't mind the overly self conscious intellect

Once again I'm stuck with that over load of self consciousness, that seems to be endured by the eyes of teenage girls and the approval of "men." I look in the mirror and I'm never impressed as soon a i look below my face. I seem to be obsessed over the perfect teenage body that i seem to lack. I have been blaming my luck with guys at this high school because of it. "they would like me more if i was... this or that" but it seems to have a recurring topic of my body shape. I mean my body is the only thing I can control. My skin color is unchangeable. So i think if i set goals for my self then he will like me more or she will be my friend. But iv begun to realize also is that who the fuck cares. I'm told I'm pretty , gorgeous , hot etc. quite often but the fact that i don't get the approval on the guys at my school it seems like those other people don't even matter. There like inferior to the people at my school. Which isn't true. In a way i feel like if i can get there approval then i can be considered pretty to all. blahblahblah I really don't mean to sound cocky or come off needy or odd. But its the way I'm feeling. Don't get me started about the guy i like who plays the " i don't really like you game " but insist on texting me but responding with short word answer's. fuck you. Stop playing mind games and tell me you wantt mee soo badd. Why can't guys just be like girls. Or maybe hes just not that into me. goddamn. Please wake me when my sexy hot Spanish king knocks on my door. Because as for right now i will stay dormant until he finds/text/calls or even speaks to MEEE!!

When I thought small you were my gard
you were the male who took the household charge

don't think i have forgetten who raised me

when our father wasn't permitted a key

with my stupit ways

and my imature haze

you stood by my side

and opend up my eyes wide

when yelling and screaming occured

you gave me thoes soft spoken words

"It will be ok" you reassured

when the pain you had was more endured

Don't think I wont be ok

when i encounter my own fray

you raised me to believe

to set goals and achieve

I wont let you down

my life will be renowned

even though we are now apart

our bond shall never depart

native eyes

As I pass the streets of Hawaii i see beautiful faces surround the crisp ocean air. I see beggars at night, who put on an act or paint there faces to pay the rent. As I stay in a some-what expensive hotel i can't help but notice the view of the unfortunate households that stray up the hill. Past the resorts and the smiling tourist, you can see the true people of Hawaii. The dark skinned people that don't burn for the look but because all they own is a swim suit and a surf board. They chase there dreams in the blue toned ocean passed the slanted eyed tourist. pass the full filled dreamers that see it on TV, but where the heart of the soul hearted surfers lay. Young, old and middle age browned skin people who with hold the look of passion and love for the alphas precious gift. when they wake up early to catch the first 5 am wave they then set back and watch the sun rise over the water. the mist clear and the anticipation form.

auf wiedersehen

Dear momma lets be honest,

things don't always work out like people promise.

God made things happen upon us.

It is out of our control.

Only god can lead our soul.

He shall make our family whole.

Things have gotten hard.

Many things have left this family scarred,

but the pain shall be forgotten or discarded.

I'm sorry for the things I have shouted,

but my words and wisdom shall not be doubted.

Momma you are your own person,

if you fallow your heart you shall not worsen.

Forget what words might say,

you have to wake up and walk in your shoes today,

and tonight with your mind your going to have to lay.

Other peoples thoughts you shall not obey.

I am your daughter and I'm not ashamed,

for the things that happened you are not to be blamed.

"The past is the past" I have proclaimed.

A new day and a new challenge remains.

So don't cry those tears of pain.

When I leave tomorrow on that train.

Happiness you shall sustain.

See me and you have been through,

hard times of deep deep blue,

but dear momma don't think for a second I do not love you.

Eleven tries to look in my mothers eyes

The time is one am on the dot. (1:00am)
I'm very scared at the moment.
I feel like god put me on the spot
and I'm scared to stay ferment
The time is one oh three
and I feel like i can truly see
threw the fucked up web
passed the block of manipulative lead
The time is one oh five
and i feel numb and alive
a new start has not be tried
but the tears i cried now have dried
The time is one oh eight
and I still have a massive amount of weight
on my shoulders they lay
mother or father should i stay?
The time is one oh nine
I'm running out of destructive time
I want to be happy
my mind is running but my mouth is sticky and sappy
The time is one ten
my mind has not yet had a win
my words will not send
the realness it fends
The time is one eleven(1:11)

Teenage autobiography

Unprepared for my Chemistry Test,
I write the answers down and weight is lifted off my chest.
I pull it out with my papers,
And the thrill of cheating is finally savored

It might be wrong, but this is my song.

I’m having fun and grab a beer.
I start to dance and I begin to cheer.
I sip it down but drink it slow,
And watch my confidence begin to grow.

It might be wrong, but this is my song.

The chairs are set and the circle is formed.
I sit back easy as the smoke starts to swarm.
My eyes are squinted and my head is heavy,
And I go for a midnight Cruz in my best friends Chevy

It might be wrong, but this is my song

I’m feeling dizzy,
His body is warm but mine is chilly,
As he does what he is dared.
I set my head back to hide that I am truly scared.

It might be wrong, but this is my song

I stand in front of my father,
With my best friend, or that’s what I call her.
I lie by omission,
As I go to the party without his permission.

It might be wrong, but this is my song

I live my life with no regret,
I try to swallow my pride and forget,
That I have made mistakes,
But the pain from sinning still aches.

This all might be wrong, but this is my teenage song.