Monday, July 6, 2009
Inside look on a Chubby Teenage Mind
Counting Calories? Please tell me. Why did Sir alpha give people the idea of making so called fating foods if he didn't want people to indulge? I just had a cookie. From panera. And I feel like shit. Not because it wasn't good. Just because I know that its not heading for my ass.. but my semi gross stomach. Every bite I took I could feel the fat being added. It makes me so upset that a teenager like me...who's not made to be as skinny as Paris but has to obsess over her body. I exercise and work out, but I also eat whatever I want. I mean I don't go to mickydees and order a big mac..but when I'm hungry I don't eat a single carrot. Why should I live to please America? Why is every one so obsessed with being paper thin? Why cant guys like a little chubby ness? Why does the bigger girl not get guys? Uggh. Alpha made it. So why did he make minds of teenage boys who want little ass motherfucking paper thin anorexic girls the thing to date? Like wtf? Its not fair. I have a black body, but the face of a white girl. So my body if frowned upon because it doesn't look like my friends. What about my personality? What about the fact that I'm the most chill out of my friends? But for some reason they would rather call them when they want some ass then the girl that they would smoke a blunt with? Due to the fact that my body isn't as appealing as my anorexic looking friends i am forced to move to the friend status? Rather then the sexy hot friend? Not all guys are like that...i mean black guys Love the sexy hips and ass. But I'm not really down with the ghetto talking guys. Id rather be in the hills then in the Bronx's. Sip to fine wine then chug a forty. I mean maybe its just a phase. Or whats in... like bell bottoms and heavy eye shadow. But doesn't history repeat its self? Should i wate until I'm older... when it seems like things don't really matter. Or should i loose twenty pounds and stop eating so I can be that anorexic girl, instead of being that somewhat chubby girl that's not known to be sexy.
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I SO hear this. I was you. I hated my body forever and ever until just recently. I lost 50+ pounds and still didn't love it or myself. Then I regained 20 and went on a journey. A journey to acceptance and health.
ReplyDeleteIf you could only see what I see. I hope it doesn't take you 30 years to "get it." You are gorgeous and those teenage boys you're trying to be with are just that: boys. Give yourself a break, don't try so hard, be a girl, hang with your friends, study hard, take gorgeous photographs, write your heart out. Some day some one will love you for you, exactly as you are. He will love your whole body. It doesn't have to happen right now. You have your whole freaking life ahead of you. Trust me. I have it now.
If you're so inclined, read my blog http://www.kclanderson.com