Ahh don't you love it? the hazy view of the world that you have when you have had a little too much of god's fermentation? The fact that everyone of gods beautiful beings look just to die for? ha yeah right. see this night was a BIG learning experience for me! it taught me that, i have a problem. i can't drink with decently good looking people, i just can't. It's in no hesitation that i will be all over them by the end of the night... and the thing that scares me is that it really doesn't matter if there male of female... iv had extremely drunk times with both sexes. and this is what scares me. this night i took things a little too far and made the same mistakes that i said that i wouldn't make again, woken up and cried in the bathroom again. and tried to make excuses for my self once....again. i tell my self "time after time"( bomb song Cyndi Lauper) that i wont make this mistake ever again. butt OH shit. look i didn't keep my promise.. to my self. and I'm not disappointing my parents( cuz they have no idea), not my friends ( cuz there off doing the same thing ). I'm disappointing in my self. and letting my self down! that's not chill!! it seems like i have a problem. it's not that i cant be around hot, sexy, or some what attractive people. its that i shouldn't drink around hot, sexy or some what attractive people. because when i look back to it i always do stupid shit. either text a person i cursed out a week before for using me for sexual favors and asking them for somewhat sexual favors or texting my parents instead of texting the person i cursed out for sexual favors...and asking them for some what sexual favors.....:x ( it has happened ) i mean i will prob end up drinking again by the time i graduate. but not with people i don't trust or with people that will let me go off with strangers. friends that will stay by my side and we will look out for each other. this is a new begging for me. and i feel that because I'm not what i thought i was, Mr. alpha has given me another chance to prove that i can actually hold my self up when iv had a little too much of gods fermentation.