Gladly proved wrong

Well, It's another day and it's another thought that I have come across.
To began my rant, or post, I would like to say once again, that everyone is their own person. Every one wakes up each morning in their own bed ( hopefully ) and puts their shoes on and looks themselves in the mirror. You have your own beliefs, your own morals and your own goals and ambitions in your own life. Weather you pursue them or not is all up to you.
I have come across a very good point. As I was ranting and raving one day about how in order to fulfill your life you must travel, your must meet new people and eat various foods, learn several customs etc. etc. etc. Basically you must do the absolute EXTREME to have your life fulfilled. And I was gladly proved wrong. It was brought to my attention that that's just simply not true. Like I was saying before, you are your own person, so therefore you have your own EXTREME. Yeah, SO my extreme is doing all sorts of crazy things. But maybe your extreme is moving out of your town, or going to Boston every weekend, or graduating from college or maybe just having a picket fence family. What ever you consider to be an extreme, its your choice and your life. your own perspective of what living your life to the fullest is.
No one ever said you had to travel the world twice or save the world. No one has the right to say which extremeness is superior. And by admitting this I have to say that I am sorry that for awhile I was living by the theory that my life is just going to be better than every one else. I'm sorry that when I debate, if anyone else has a different view of me I coincided them dumb. Because there just going by their life, and what they were raised up to believe, morally and socially. So my b yo.
BE WHO YOU ARE! LIVE BY YOUR MORALS AND GOALS ! AND GIVE THE FINGER TO ANYONE WHO SAYS THAT YOUR WRONG FOR THINKING WHAT YOU BELIEVE.
Because remember, its your life and despite what your parents or friends say, when it comes down to it you have to choice how to live it.
Thanks for understanding.
I'm done speaking now.

Black

I Brought a lot of black today. Just got done painting my toe nails black, and just threw on my black zip up and i'm staring at this post with my black glasses on, text my special someonoe with my black iphone and blaring coldplay out off my black speakers. I'm i concidered to be goth now?
Drama has been running threw my life like blood in veins and i'm fucking tired of it. I just want it to end. I feel like i'm the only human out hear and that everyone that surrounds me is either rahtarded or lost in their perfect little clouded vision. Maybe i'm just a bitch for thinking that i'm the only one who sees the world as i see it, or maybe i just haven't met the right people. But then again, I look like no one else at my school. I know people think thats a good thing. But to me, at this stage in my life, its hard to not be able to compare to other poeple. Not just by my darkend skin color, but also by the way I have lived, the places i have lived and the various people i have encounterd. This all sets me apart from this little town we call NA.
But back to drama. You make noises at me in the hall way, you stare me down when i walk up to sharpen my pencil, you wisper when i'm not looking and my name runs threw your five letter word. Drama oh Drama I would love to do with out thow drama.
I'm going to start publishing my poems. Which are pretty much about all the fake bitches at our school.. and maybe one day they will read them. and UNDERSTAND that we know your are not happy... we know you look at your self in the mirror with disatifaction...and tease others to make your little small thinking mind some-what normal WE KNOW! we know you sons bitches..
Instead of cursing you out, branding my name in your fore head or even giving in to your fucked up rahtarded games.. i shall write. And because i can actually express my feeling unlike your poor poor ass i will feel A LOT better. And love it.

I Am now done speaking. goodnight.
AND thank you Alli D'amico for making me write again :)

But, your not happy...

Ima die my hair and raise my voice 
Ima act reall dumb like it's not by choice
Ima run all day cuz I'll hate my theighs 
Ima disregard other peoples cries 
Ima dress real expensive and to impress 
Ima copy the newest trend just to show I'm tastless
Ima say I already ate and hour before
Ima always feel Hunger deep in my core
Ima Blame my sloppyness on the booze 
Ima say i didn't know the drunken rules 
Ima pretend like I am perfect because of my outside
An hide my pain that i feel inside, because Im what's in and the tv doesn't lie.
 

Before you try to forget me, read my words

Another lonely day,
Another day and I'm left alone in my room. I have all the riches surrounding me and all the love a mother and father can give, but yet I'm alone In my room and emptiness feels my heart once again. All she ever wanted was someone who didn't break her heart, someone who didn't deceive her or someone that didn't make her a victim. And I was that person, I was the person that stood by her side. And then I made a mistake. The evil ness consumed my soul just like it did to every person she let close to her heart. See what I don't quite understand is how I made her my world how I talked and talked about her, kept her on my mind day after day, but still was able to do such a hurt full thing..
From her head down to her feet she walks with such a devine confidence her laugh cheers up a crowed and her smile brings chills up my spine. Perfection is an understatement. The best part is that I can see threw her hazel eyes and see that she is not spoiled nor selfish. I can see the pain and how she covers the tears up because she knows that it could be worse that she is not at the worst.
She has it all. Everything I am scared to be she delivers with pride. Unique she is and ordinary she is not. She is clearly one of a kind. I love this girl, I have never felt this much for anyone. I have never wanted to be part of any ones life more than hers. But it has seemed that I let the demons take over my obsession. And I know my love for her couldn't have been as strong as it is, and last for eternity. I knew this perfection was going to have to either move forward or end. I couldn't love her forever unless she was willing to love back. So now, I sit hear in my room, with all the riches and gold I would ever want, but I am alone, because with out her heart and her love I am not whole.
A little part of me will always be missing, until the one day I dream of her returning to me will actually become a reality and I will hold her in my arms and reassure her that every thing is alright, that I am hear to wipe away all the pain she hides and I will help her fight any demons, we will do it together because to halfs make a whole.

"why do you do it" I asked as I stared at him while his eyes seemed to roll back. He looked at me and told me something painfull,
"it puts me in a place, a place where I don't have to deal with anything
a place where I can breath and relax and not deal with my problems," he looks me dead in the eyes when he wispered
"it makes me forget for a little while, forget about my fucked up life."

This circus ISN'T falling down on its knees

stfu, cuz maceeissspeaking

For once this isn't a hate post. I'm happy?!? My emotions arn't crumbling down or my homework isn't piled up. I'm just sitting back jamming to counting crows texting that special some one. Last night, weird as it seems, i realized that i'm done with the bull shit. Within ten mins of Mr.special someone leaving i got a text from Mr. not so special someone. "yo" he says. Asking all the bull shit about when we gonna chill. Saying its been awhile. he must not be happy with his girlfriend i think to my self. And see the old me would so be like yahh ikk i miss you and shit like that. But see me, being the new, still having a flushed face from Mr.special someone just realizes that I'm better than that bull shit ness. That "ill text you later." that home wrecker feeling bullshiaatt. I deserve something more. And hey, even if me and Mr. someone special doesn't work out, ill accept and realize that i am capable of having something like that with some one else. that it is possible for Maceb to have a relationship with someone else.
lifee iss good.

peace:love:drugs&happiness

maceisDONEspeaking

this arn't to great at the moment.

This, is me... my junior year. OK i don't know if I'm just being over dramatic or whatever. but I'm freaking! like I'm so stressed out! i can't sleep well knowing that I'm going to have a hard test in the next week or so, or have a project due that i prob haven't even started yet. freshman year... i didn't give two fucks soph year was a breeze.. now this year... i wanna take hard classes so i did... but now I'm regretting it cuz i got my report card and have 3 C!! up to this point iv made honor role. or just about. and iv done good and iv tried hard to get it and this yeah i feel like I'm trying even harder than iv ever tried...and still Nada, nothing. its like I'm working working working then BAM " you have failed " like cramming all night for a text and getting a 50... like iv never thought so much about dropping out of school till this year. i just wanna travel the world and take really good pictures.. not fucking learn where my body parts are and being taught bull shit things by MS B. ( shout outtttt ) who is a complete mess with her lil fucking sneakers and oversizes coffee cup first period.... i sooo should of stayed in Dr.c's class. I SHOULD OF STAYED IN ALL MY LEVEL TWO CLASSES. butt nooooo i had to be miss " colleges like level one class students " attitude and march down to guidance and get it changed... WHAT WAS I THINKING! i'm like crying. if all hell hasn't already broken loose i'm under the major weigh of my job. panera. which I'm getting fatter by the day ..by. fuckfuckfuck. they always want me to close. i hate closing. ok i'm done drinking, i'm done smoking, i'm done with friends and people. i'm going to pull a mary lu and just find a new love of studding and working. i don't want ANY FRIENDS. i don't want a boy friend. i don't want to have to worry about who i'm taking to junior prom i don't want to have to worry about anything. i wanna live free and naked in a desert with just me and some hot model that i can't think of and just have sex and not make babies and live off of plants and catus water. that's it!! that's all i ask for. every thing else can go fuck its self. ughhhh. i'm now going to go cry in my bed and wake up tomorrow and pretend that i'm not stressed and i'm not crumbling on the inside, only because there are people in other countries who never ever ever are going to have an education... you pooor pooor people are the only thing that keeps me from slowly dieing in this country. MOTHERFUCKER