Well, what can I say? I have had my first awfull week in a while. Like my week was soo that I have cried over anything bad that happend today. So it starts out my special someone leaves to FL for a week. Then I take an anat test and get a 61... Studied for 5 hrs... Nbd. I form a cold sore on my lip.. Yay! And then I get an alergic reaction on my chin. So iv been looking obesed this whole week. Then I get a 64 on my math test and now my grades and 83. My car gets out of the shop and the guy tells me not to drive it again. Were talking a 01 Saab which should run like a virgin. I leave my phone at my house so my bf couldn't text me till 8 o'clock. Sounds lame but that's a LONG time. I loose my iPhone in forever. But thank god someone found it. It's my last day of the week and everythings going smooth.. Despite the fact I feel like a cow but thannnnnnn! My car doesn't start. I miss my eye opp and ruin my gym time. I don't have a car. But oh no worries they can fix it for 400 bucks of which 300 is comming out of my own pocket. I leave my purse at my friends house which means I have no cash or license and she's gone for the night. My tv won't even let me order movies and I spilled wine all over me. Lastly my manager just said i have to come in 12-830 instead of 2-9 which gives me no gym time. And to top it off it's fucking flooding. Fuck my life I'm going to cry myself to sleep now.
Bitches I am done speaking
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Little bit of something
This poem is to clear my mind, take a break and rewind, this poem is helping me relax and it's taking off this stress filled six pack and my overbearing future off my back, pointless I can't say that much but the future I want to touch be done with this growing part of such.
Not really in the mood to rant. Nothings really bothering me. I'm sick, but I'm recovering. My boyfriends grounded, but I'm aloud to bring him home<33 Ant sucks, but I'll pass. The kids that sits behind me in History called me dumb, but he has no friends. Mr. R gave me a 70 on my 6 hour assignment, but he taught me to write formal. Girls are bitches, but I feel bad for them. Nothings really really bothering me. I feel great. I"m going to sleep good tonight. Sorry about the lame post. Maybe someone or something will make me mad tomorrow. As for now, I'm done speaking.
Not really in the mood to rant. Nothings really bothering me. I'm sick, but I'm recovering. My boyfriends grounded, but I'm aloud to bring him home<33 Ant sucks, but I'll pass. The kids that sits behind me in History called me dumb, but he has no friends. Mr. R gave me a 70 on my 6 hour assignment, but he taught me to write formal. Girls are bitches, but I feel bad for them. Nothings really really bothering me. I feel great. I"m going to sleep good tonight. Sorry about the lame post. Maybe someone or something will make me mad tomorrow. As for now, I'm done speaking.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Its a different kind of miss'n
This is a conversation me and my brother had...
Me-
"What happens when you do not wanna be hear anymore. Your words are over and your brain seems sore. You know that deep deep down in your core you should be somewhere better, somewhere were your flaws are not covered up with a sweater. What happens when things are not clear and you can not help but jump on the wagon and act like you do not fear loosing yourself and the way you use to be, cover up your old ways so no one can see. What happens when you are done with the bull shit and lies, the unhappy skies and the whithered cries. What happens when you can't sleep at night knowing you will wake up to a place where they sing there verses like a forgotten song. The tone is there but the words are gone. Please tell me what to do. Because the only one I had to compare to was you. Now your gone and I have lost a clue. So please help me figure out how to survive hear please, give me the power to steer before I swerve and loose my self and be someone I fear."
Him-
What's you gotta do is think about yourself, glue the FACTS together, ignore everyone else, because your life is not bleeding, but your trying to bleed yourself, think about proceeding, advancing out that hell, just keep your shit together, and fill your mind with song.
We are never going to play in the woods or fight over who gets the front seat. We both drive our own path and to "mature" to fight over stupid stuff. But I will always have the left seat in life, you will always have the right, when your legs get sore, I will always give in and let you lean on me, and when I fall asleep on this long road of life, I know I will always be able to lean on your lap
Me-
"What happens when you do not wanna be hear anymore. Your words are over and your brain seems sore. You know that deep deep down in your core you should be somewhere better, somewhere were your flaws are not covered up with a sweater. What happens when things are not clear and you can not help but jump on the wagon and act like you do not fear loosing yourself and the way you use to be, cover up your old ways so no one can see. What happens when you are done with the bull shit and lies, the unhappy skies and the whithered cries. What happens when you can't sleep at night knowing you will wake up to a place where they sing there verses like a forgotten song. The tone is there but the words are gone. Please tell me what to do. Because the only one I had to compare to was you. Now your gone and I have lost a clue. So please help me figure out how to survive hear please, give me the power to steer before I swerve and loose my self and be someone I fear."
Him-
What's you gotta do is think about yourself, glue the FACTS together, ignore everyone else, because your life is not bleeding, but your trying to bleed yourself, think about proceeding, advancing out that hell, just keep your shit together, and fill your mind with song.
We are never going to play in the woods or fight over who gets the front seat. We both drive our own path and to "mature" to fight over stupid stuff. But I will always have the left seat in life, you will always have the right, when your legs get sore, I will always give in and let you lean on me, and when I fall asleep on this long road of life, I know I will always be able to lean on your lap
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Gladly proved wrong
Well, It's another day and it's another thought that I have come across.
To began my rant, or post, I would like to say once again, that everyone is their own person. Every one wakes up each morning in their own bed ( hopefully ) and puts their shoes on and looks themselves in the mirror. You have your own beliefs, your own morals and your own goals and ambitions in your own life. Weather you pursue them or not is all up to you.
I have come across a very good point. As I was ranting and raving one day about how in order to fulfill your life you must travel, your must meet new people and eat various foods, learn several customs etc. etc. etc. Basically you must do the absolute EXTREME to have your life fulfilled. And I was gladly proved wrong. It was brought to my attention that that's just simply not true. Like I was saying before, you are your own person, so therefore you have your own EXTREME. Yeah, SO my extreme is doing all sorts of crazy things. But maybe your extreme is moving out of your town, or going to Boston every weekend, or graduating from college or maybe just having a picket fence family. What ever you consider to be an extreme, its your choice and your life. your own perspective of what living your life to the fullest is.
No one ever said you had to travel the world twice or save the world. No one has the right to say which extremeness is superior. And by admitting this I have to say that I am sorry that for awhile I was living by the theory that my life is just going to be better than every one else. I'm sorry that when I debate, if anyone else has a different view of me I coincided them dumb. Because there just going by their life, and what they were raised up to believe, morally and socially. So my b yo.
BE WHO YOU ARE! LIVE BY YOUR MORALS AND GOALS ! AND GIVE THE FINGER TO ANYONE WHO SAYS THAT YOUR WRONG FOR THINKING WHAT YOU BELIEVE.
Because remember, its your life and despite what your parents or friends say, when it comes down to it you have to choice how to live it.
Thanks for understanding.
I'm done speaking now.
To began my rant, or post, I would like to say once again, that everyone is their own person. Every one wakes up each morning in their own bed ( hopefully ) and puts their shoes on and looks themselves in the mirror. You have your own beliefs, your own morals and your own goals and ambitions in your own life. Weather you pursue them or not is all up to you.
I have come across a very good point. As I was ranting and raving one day about how in order to fulfill your life you must travel, your must meet new people and eat various foods, learn several customs etc. etc. etc. Basically you must do the absolute EXTREME to have your life fulfilled. And I was gladly proved wrong. It was brought to my attention that that's just simply not true. Like I was saying before, you are your own person, so therefore you have your own EXTREME. Yeah, SO my extreme is doing all sorts of crazy things. But maybe your extreme is moving out of your town, or going to Boston every weekend, or graduating from college or maybe just having a picket fence family. What ever you consider to be an extreme, its your choice and your life. your own perspective of what living your life to the fullest is.
No one ever said you had to travel the world twice or save the world. No one has the right to say which extremeness is superior. And by admitting this I have to say that I am sorry that for awhile I was living by the theory that my life is just going to be better than every one else. I'm sorry that when I debate, if anyone else has a different view of me I coincided them dumb. Because there just going by their life, and what they were raised up to believe, morally and socially. So my b yo.
BE WHO YOU ARE! LIVE BY YOUR MORALS AND GOALS ! AND GIVE THE FINGER TO ANYONE WHO SAYS THAT YOUR WRONG FOR THINKING WHAT YOU BELIEVE.
Because remember, its your life and despite what your parents or friends say, when it comes down to it you have to choice how to live it.
Thanks for understanding.
I'm done speaking now.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Black
I Brought a lot of black today. Just got done painting my toe nails black, and just threw on my black zip up and i'm staring at this post with my black glasses on, text my special someonoe with my black iphone and blaring coldplay out off my black speakers. I'm i concidered to be goth now?
Drama has been running threw my life like blood in veins and i'm fucking tired of it. I just want it to end. I feel like i'm the only human out hear and that everyone that surrounds me is either rahtarded or lost in their perfect little clouded vision. Maybe i'm just a bitch for thinking that i'm the only one who sees the world as i see it, or maybe i just haven't met the right people. But then again, I look like no one else at my school. I know people think thats a good thing. But to me, at this stage in my life, its hard to not be able to compare to other poeple. Not just by my darkend skin color, but also by the way I have lived, the places i have lived and the various people i have encounterd. This all sets me apart from this little town we call NA.
But back to drama. You make noises at me in the hall way, you stare me down when i walk up to sharpen my pencil, you wisper when i'm not looking and my name runs threw your five letter word. Drama oh Drama I would love to do with out thow drama.
I'm going to start publishing my poems. Which are pretty much about all the fake bitches at our school.. and maybe one day they will read them. and UNDERSTAND that we know your are not happy... we know you look at your self in the mirror with disatifaction...and tease others to make your little small thinking mind some-what normal WE KNOW! we know you sons bitches..
Instead of cursing you out, branding my name in your fore head or even giving in to your fucked up rahtarded games.. i shall write. And because i can actually express my feeling unlike your poor poor ass i will feel A LOT better. And love it.
I Am now done speaking. goodnight.
AND thank you Alli D'amico for making me write again :)
Drama has been running threw my life like blood in veins and i'm fucking tired of it. I just want it to end. I feel like i'm the only human out hear and that everyone that surrounds me is either rahtarded or lost in their perfect little clouded vision. Maybe i'm just a bitch for thinking that i'm the only one who sees the world as i see it, or maybe i just haven't met the right people. But then again, I look like no one else at my school. I know people think thats a good thing. But to me, at this stage in my life, its hard to not be able to compare to other poeple. Not just by my darkend skin color, but also by the way I have lived, the places i have lived and the various people i have encounterd. This all sets me apart from this little town we call NA.
But back to drama. You make noises at me in the hall way, you stare me down when i walk up to sharpen my pencil, you wisper when i'm not looking and my name runs threw your five letter word. Drama oh Drama I would love to do with out thow drama.
I'm going to start publishing my poems. Which are pretty much about all the fake bitches at our school.. and maybe one day they will read them. and UNDERSTAND that we know your are not happy... we know you look at your self in the mirror with disatifaction...and tease others to make your little small thinking mind some-what normal WE KNOW! we know you sons bitches..
Instead of cursing you out, branding my name in your fore head or even giving in to your fucked up rahtarded games.. i shall write. And because i can actually express my feeling unlike your poor poor ass i will feel A LOT better. And love it.
I Am now done speaking. goodnight.
AND thank you Alli D'amico for making me write again :)
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
But, your not happy...
Ima die my hair and raise my voice
Ima act reall dumb like it's not by choice
Ima run all day cuz I'll hate my theighs
Ima disregard other peoples cries
Ima dress real expensive and to impress
Ima copy the newest trend just to show I'm tastless
Ima say I already ate and hour before
Ima always feel Hunger deep in my core
Ima Blame my sloppyness on the booze
Ima say i didn't know the drunken rules
Ima pretend like I am perfect because of my outside
An hide my pain that i feel inside, because Im what's in and the tv doesn't lie.
Ima act reall dumb like it's not by choice
Ima run all day cuz I'll hate my theighs
Ima disregard other peoples cries
Ima dress real expensive and to impress
Ima copy the newest trend just to show I'm tastless
Ima say I already ate and hour before
Ima always feel Hunger deep in my core
Ima Blame my sloppyness on the booze
Ima say i didn't know the drunken rules
Ima pretend like I am perfect because of my outside
An hide my pain that i feel inside, because Im what's in and the tv doesn't lie.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Before you try to forget me, read my words
Another lonely day,
Another day and I'm left alone in my room. I have all the riches surrounding me and all the love a mother and father can give, but yet I'm alone In my room and emptiness feels my heart once again. All she ever wanted was someone who didn't break her heart, someone who didn't deceive her or someone that didn't make her a victim. And I was that person, I was the person that stood by her side. And then I made a mistake. The evil ness consumed my soul just like it did to every person she let close to her heart. See what I don't quite understand is how I made her my world how I talked and talked about her, kept her on my mind day after day, but still was able to do such a hurt full thing..
From her head down to her feet she walks with such a devine confidence her laugh cheers up a crowed and her smile brings chills up my spine. Perfection is an understatement. The best part is that I can see threw her hazel eyes and see that she is not spoiled nor selfish. I can see the pain and how she covers the tears up because she knows that it could be worse that she is not at the worst.
She has it all. Everything I am scared to be she delivers with pride. Unique she is and ordinary she is not. She is clearly one of a kind. I love this girl, I have never felt this much for anyone. I have never wanted to be part of any ones life more than hers. But it has seemed that I let the demons take over my obsession. And I know my love for her couldn't have been as strong as it is, and last for eternity. I knew this perfection was going to have to either move forward or end. I couldn't love her forever unless she was willing to love back. So now, I sit hear in my room, with all the riches and gold I would ever want, but I am alone, because with out her heart and her love I am not whole.
A little part of me will always be missing, until the one day I dream of her returning to me will actually become a reality and I will hold her in my arms and reassure her that every thing is alright, that I am hear to wipe away all the pain she hides and I will help her fight any demons, we will do it together because to halfs make a whole.
Another day and I'm left alone in my room. I have all the riches surrounding me and all the love a mother and father can give, but yet I'm alone In my room and emptiness feels my heart once again. All she ever wanted was someone who didn't break her heart, someone who didn't deceive her or someone that didn't make her a victim. And I was that person, I was the person that stood by her side. And then I made a mistake. The evil ness consumed my soul just like it did to every person she let close to her heart. See what I don't quite understand is how I made her my world how I talked and talked about her, kept her on my mind day after day, but still was able to do such a hurt full thing..
From her head down to her feet she walks with such a devine confidence her laugh cheers up a crowed and her smile brings chills up my spine. Perfection is an understatement. The best part is that I can see threw her hazel eyes and see that she is not spoiled nor selfish. I can see the pain and how she covers the tears up because she knows that it could be worse that she is not at the worst.
She has it all. Everything I am scared to be she delivers with pride. Unique she is and ordinary she is not. She is clearly one of a kind. I love this girl, I have never felt this much for anyone. I have never wanted to be part of any ones life more than hers. But it has seemed that I let the demons take over my obsession. And I know my love for her couldn't have been as strong as it is, and last for eternity. I knew this perfection was going to have to either move forward or end. I couldn't love her forever unless she was willing to love back. So now, I sit hear in my room, with all the riches and gold I would ever want, but I am alone, because with out her heart and her love I am not whole.
A little part of me will always be missing, until the one day I dream of her returning to me will actually become a reality and I will hold her in my arms and reassure her that every thing is alright, that I am hear to wipe away all the pain she hides and I will help her fight any demons, we will do it together because to halfs make a whole.
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