One Night Stand

I know I'm better, I know I shouldn't give in, but it seems like I want the feeling within. I know I shouldn't stoop down to this level, but the feeling is overcome by the revel. I know I shouldn't be treated with such carelessness, but the comfort of being, is the feeling I miss. Being close is too much to let go, and this shows that maybe I should give in. As I get closer, I began to feel less like a poser, but more like someone I am not, but I do not move from my spot. And when thoughts run through my mind, I began to rewind and tell my self it has been done before, and the pain has still not began to get sore, so I accept and let my thoughts become a reality and excused the thought of decent mortality as I let go and show my vivid sexuality.

Of course then, I feel like there's no turning back, because the will to refuse I seem to lack. The feelings have overcome everything I have learned, although I know all along. But my feelings are too strong, so that I deny that it's wrong.Things wind down, and the awkwardness surrounds, and my quilt begins to rise by the pound. And I know what was said will be broken easier than thread as I walk away from something I knew I would dread. But then again I am alone, which is something that I have grown to accept, the thoughts of being used have crept, but comfort seems like nothing to regret.

Pretty alone at this time of night

Whoa is Mace really speaking? Well yes, it has been quite some time since iv sat down in my little computer chair and wrote what was actually on my mind. See I write when I'm not with my boyfriend, inhaling my herbal essence or starring at my self in the mirror. Which, for the past month or so, that's really all iv been doing, and for some reason I thought that was enough for me. Like that that was all i really needed to do to be happy. Which, when I was floating in the sky it seemed way easier to believe that i didn't need anything else on earth.
So after I passed out at six pm last night, I woke up at three of course and couldn't fall back asleep. Typical right? Well when I was starring at the emptiness of my room my brain began to think, and think and think. And then i started to cry. I thought about my mother, my brother but mainly about myself. How i was never good enough, and how i was all alone in my life. I tore my self up like i always do when I'm alone. But, I was alone, which meant i wasn't up in the sky, or i wasn't looking at my self in the mirror which meant that i must write...
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It's a weird night in the nboro, seems things are different with the night aura. Yeah I'm awake at the time where it's either to take or break it. Its all little funny how, once your in this shit it's hard to take back power, I'm all caught up and a sly game where everything seems all plain but in the realization nothing seems the same as it use to be and things are different from the old me. Priorities and task good things are just in the passed. Went from every sport in the book to sitting back so high like a stealer and crook. Doing things more times a week then in the past i would never think, damn shits got me shook.. When did i end up not seeing or taken that second look, first thought i do it on the spot, damn what am i doing? I look in the mirror and see that I'm loosing, god help me get out of this ditch that I'm in, before i began to pick up speed on this broken track, before i can't see the wrong and i can't go back. Maybe i need someone to save me, to trip over my hole and the ground and see.. that I'm deep deep under, but naw for them it's not even a wonder, a guess or a thought, it's not what is in their story or plot. Getting away with too many things that now it's engraved in my wings to them it's not what it seems too much freedom will have you alone in a big broken down kingdom, I'm sitting in my throne with my toy soldiers I'm the only one with the simple heart beat.. but yet I feel like i'm at defeat.

This is about me!

Well, what can I say? I have had my first awfull week in a while. Like my week was soo that I have cried over anything bad that happend today. So it starts out my special someone leaves to FL for a week. Then I take an anat test and get a 61... Studied for 5 hrs... Nbd. I form a cold sore on my lip.. Yay! And then I get an alergic reaction on my chin. So iv been looking obesed this whole week. Then I get a 64 on my math test and now my grades and 83. My car gets out of the shop and the guy tells me not to drive it again. Were talking a 01 Saab which should run like a virgin. I leave my phone at my house so my bf couldn't text me till 8 o'clock. Sounds lame but that's a LONG time. I loose my iPhone in forever. But thank god someone found it. It's my last day of the week and everythings going smooth.. Despite the fact I feel like a cow but thannnnnnn! My car doesn't start. I miss my eye opp and ruin my gym time. I don't have a car. But oh no worries they can fix it for 400 bucks of which 300 is comming out of my own pocket. I leave my purse at my friends house which means I have no cash or license and she's gone for the night. My tv won't even let me order movies and I spilled wine all over me. Lastly my manager just said i have to come in 12-830 instead of 2-9 which gives me no gym time. And to top it off it's fucking flooding. Fuck my life I'm going to cry myself to sleep now.
Bitches I am done speaking

Little bit of something

This poem is to clear my mind, take a break and rewind, this poem is helping me relax and it's taking off this stress filled six pack and my overbearing future off my back, pointless I can't say that much but the future I want to touch be done with this growing part of such.


Not really in the mood to rant. Nothings really bothering me. I'm sick, but I'm recovering. My boyfriends grounded, but I'm aloud to bring him home<33 Ant sucks, but I'll pass. The kids that sits behind me in History called me dumb, but he has no friends. Mr. R gave me a 70 on my 6 hour assignment, but he taught me to write formal. Girls are bitches, but I feel bad for them. Nothings really really bothering me. I feel great. I"m going to sleep good tonight. Sorry about the lame post. Maybe someone or something will make me mad tomorrow. As for now, I'm done speaking.

Its a different kind of miss'n

This is a conversation me and my brother had...

Me-
"What happens when you do not wanna be hear anymore. Your words are over and your brain seems sore. You know that deep deep down in your core you should be somewhere better, somewhere were your flaws are not covered up with a sweater. What happens when things are not clear and you can not help but jump on the wagon and act like you do not fear loosing yourself and the way you use to be, cover up your old ways so no one can see. What happens when you are done with the bull shit and lies, the unhappy skies and the whithered cries. What happens when you can't sleep at night knowing you will wake up to a place where they sing there verses like a forgotten song. The tone is there but the words are gone. Please tell me what to do. Because the only one I had to compare to was you. Now your gone and I have lost a clue. So please help me figure out how to survive hear please, give me the power to steer before I swerve and loose my self and be someone I fear."

Him-
What's you gotta do is think about yourself, glue the FACTS together, ignore everyone else, because your life is not bleeding, but your trying to bleed yourself, think about proceeding, advancing out that hell, just keep your shit together, and fill your mind with song.


We are never going to play in the woods or fight over who gets the front seat. We both drive our own path and to "mature" to fight over stupid stuff. But I will always have the left seat in life, you will always have the right, when your legs get sore, I will always give in and let you lean on me, and when I fall asleep on this long road of life, I know I will always be able to lean on your lap

Gladly proved wrong

Well, It's another day and it's another thought that I have come across.
To began my rant, or post, I would like to say once again, that everyone is their own person. Every one wakes up each morning in their own bed ( hopefully ) and puts their shoes on and looks themselves in the mirror. You have your own beliefs, your own morals and your own goals and ambitions in your own life. Weather you pursue them or not is all up to you.
I have come across a very good point. As I was ranting and raving one day about how in order to fulfill your life you must travel, your must meet new people and eat various foods, learn several customs etc. etc. etc. Basically you must do the absolute EXTREME to have your life fulfilled. And I was gladly proved wrong. It was brought to my attention that that's just simply not true. Like I was saying before, you are your own person, so therefore you have your own EXTREME. Yeah, SO my extreme is doing all sorts of crazy things. But maybe your extreme is moving out of your town, or going to Boston every weekend, or graduating from college or maybe just having a picket fence family. What ever you consider to be an extreme, its your choice and your life. your own perspective of what living your life to the fullest is.
No one ever said you had to travel the world twice or save the world. No one has the right to say which extremeness is superior. And by admitting this I have to say that I am sorry that for awhile I was living by the theory that my life is just going to be better than every one else. I'm sorry that when I debate, if anyone else has a different view of me I coincided them dumb. Because there just going by their life, and what they were raised up to believe, morally and socially. So my b yo.
BE WHO YOU ARE! LIVE BY YOUR MORALS AND GOALS ! AND GIVE THE FINGER TO ANYONE WHO SAYS THAT YOUR WRONG FOR THINKING WHAT YOU BELIEVE.
Because remember, its your life and despite what your parents or friends say, when it comes down to it you have to choice how to live it.
Thanks for understanding.
I'm done speaking now.

Black

I Brought a lot of black today. Just got done painting my toe nails black, and just threw on my black zip up and i'm staring at this post with my black glasses on, text my special someonoe with my black iphone and blaring coldplay out off my black speakers. I'm i concidered to be goth now?
Drama has been running threw my life like blood in veins and i'm fucking tired of it. I just want it to end. I feel like i'm the only human out hear and that everyone that surrounds me is either rahtarded or lost in their perfect little clouded vision. Maybe i'm just a bitch for thinking that i'm the only one who sees the world as i see it, or maybe i just haven't met the right people. But then again, I look like no one else at my school. I know people think thats a good thing. But to me, at this stage in my life, its hard to not be able to compare to other poeple. Not just by my darkend skin color, but also by the way I have lived, the places i have lived and the various people i have encounterd. This all sets me apart from this little town we call NA.
But back to drama. You make noises at me in the hall way, you stare me down when i walk up to sharpen my pencil, you wisper when i'm not looking and my name runs threw your five letter word. Drama oh Drama I would love to do with out thow drama.
I'm going to start publishing my poems. Which are pretty much about all the fake bitches at our school.. and maybe one day they will read them. and UNDERSTAND that we know your are not happy... we know you look at your self in the mirror with disatifaction...and tease others to make your little small thinking mind some-what normal WE KNOW! we know you sons bitches..
Instead of cursing you out, branding my name in your fore head or even giving in to your fucked up rahtarded games.. i shall write. And because i can actually express my feeling unlike your poor poor ass i will feel A LOT better. And love it.

I Am now done speaking. goodnight.
AND thank you Alli D'amico for making me write again :)